The Days dwindle down--- to a precious few----
Well this has been in the works for a while now, and the day arrives Monday when it is time to pay the piper for all those transgressions against my internal fuel pump. You know, eating all that stuff that tasted so damn good going down even though you knew, deep down, that it was doing you no good! Other than satisfying a selfish desire to experience the fleeting pleasure derived from said indulgence!
I was delivered into this present life with a defect in one of the heart valves. The aortic one and over the long life past, it has decided it is pooped out with all the abuse inflicted, and wants some relief from the daily trials and tribulations of opening and closing a minimum of 60 times a minute or thereabouts.
So I have made a deal with a purveyor of replacement parts for matters of the heart. He has agreed to remove the deficient valve and replace it with one he guaranteed would work for 15/20 years! He said if it quit or went bad to bring it back and he'd replace it with a new one.
So this Monday morning at 0600 he will be rooting around inside my chest doing what he does best, i.e. giving old farts a chance to hang around with the Kids and Grand kids a little longer. While he is in there he said he might as well replace a couple of those 3/4 plugged up pipes too. No extra charge for them, so of course I leapt, errr, crept over to grasp this extra-ordinary chance of a twofer, or a threefer, or however many damaged pipes there are in there.
He did mention that there were some drawbacks to the valve he would be using! Well that set the old pump to fluttering and sputtering!
He then mentioned that the replacement part would have to come from a different make and model of mammal than the one original one. I think they call them "after market parts" instead of OEM's? Or is it OME's?
I asked him if he was referring to some sort of mechanical device? He said no because those types were really annoying to the recipient. They clicked at every beat and you could feel/hear it and you were always waiting in itchy anticipation for the time to arrive when it quit clicking!!
What is the alternative I inquired in my most steady, deliberative, and calm voice? Actually it sounded more like a cat with its tail under the rocker of a chair. He then told me it would be one donated by a young and virile animal of the bovine persuasion! I was most happy to hear him NOT say it was from a PIG! He did tell me that there was always a problem with the bovine valves though. He said that every once in a while you will become overwhelmed with the need to let out a very loud and raucous MOOOO and to don't try to hold it back. Just let it roll!
So sometime about 4 to 6 hours after this all goes down, I shall either be here amongst the living, or gone off into the light, looking for the next home for my ethereal soul! Hopefully, I will be back here to torture you all with my drivel and chase some chickens, turkeys, pigs and Grandchildren around the old homestead for a few more years.
On a more serious note, I would like to thank all the folks who know of this upcoming event for all the good wishes, thoughts, and prayers for a good result and a speedy recovery, that have been conveyed to me over the last month! I thank you, and love you to high degree, one and all!! TIFN!
There's No Place Like Home on the Range
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